The Beauty of Growing Into Yourself
A personal reflection on changing proportions, trusting your experience and enjoying the clothes that feel like you.
· 4 min read · Tania Cottew
For years, I was a straight-up-and-down stick figure. Long arms, long legs, not a great deal happening in between.
I was told I would get curves when I had children. I didn't.
They arrived after menopause instead, which was something of a culture shock. I went from an 8A cup and not having to wear a bra to an 8DD and not being able to find one.
Finding bras is easier now, twenty years later. But now I have hips too.
As I put it, I've gone from a stick insect, to a stick insect with boobs, to an hourglass. Except there is only about an inch between my lowest rib and my hip bone, so the standard advice to "accentuate your waist with a belt" isn't particularly useful.
Bodies, it turns out, don't always follow the instructions in the styling articles.
**Getting to know yourself again**
We often talk about growing into ourselves as though it happens once. We discover our style, find our confidence and settle comfortably into being who we are.
But sometimes we have to get acquainted with ourselves again.
The clothes we understood on one version of our body behave differently on another. Something that once needed no thought suddenly becomes complicated. A familiar dress pulls somewhere unexpected. A neckline sits differently. The shop size that used to be a useful starting point stops telling us very much.
That doesn't mean we have lost our sense of style. It means we have something new to work out.
And working it out can take time.
**My body can change within the day, too**
It isn't only the changes over the years that I have to dress for.
I also have allergies. If I'm accidentally cross-contaminated when eating out, I can go from a flat stomach to looking six months pregnant. So an outfit needs to allow room around my middle, not simply fit the body I left home with.
That is part of knowing myself, too. Knowing what my clothes need to accommodate, rather than judging them only by how they look when I first get dressed.
I like soft pleating at the sides that hints at a waist, rather than a belt defining one. I like cowl necks, with the fabric draping from the shoulders. Shape can be suggested without having a fitted waistband holding everything in place.
For me, growing into myself includes recognising those needs and taking them seriously. They are not an inconvenience to dress around. They are part of choosing clothes that work for me.
**There is no obligation to follow the formula**
An hourglass figure is supposed to come with a convenient set of dressing instructions. Define the waist. Add a belt. Emphasise the curves.
But knowing the name someone gives your shape is not the same as knowing what feels good on you.
I have curves now. I also have very little space in which to put that suggested belt. Both things are true.
Perhaps part of growing into yourself is becoming more comfortable saying, "That advice may work beautifully for somebody else. It doesn't work for me."
You don't have to make your body demonstrate a rule.
**You are still allowed to enjoy getting dressed**
There is a difference between acknowledging change and deciding that the enjoyable part is over.
I still love silk. I still enjoy colour, beautiful jewellery and clothes with a story. Those pleasures don't depend on having the same proportions I had years ago.
What may need to change is the fit, the combination or the way something is worn. The enjoyment can remain.
For me, becoming more fully myself needn't mean declaring that every change has been easy. Some have been confusing. Some have made shopping considerably more difficult.
It can simply mean giving my own experience more authority.
Knowing what I love. Recognising what doesn't fit. Being willing to try something different without treating my body as the problem.
Perhaps that is one of the quieter beauties of growing into yourself: not having everything figured out, but trusting yourself a little more while you do.